Banging is fun. Tight jeans aren’t necessarily fun, but they are popular. And they kind of make banging less fun, and always, without fail, far less sexy. Because they are very, very hard to take off.
You know how it goes. It’s that special moment when your partner locks on your eyes and whispers “let’s get these off.” And you start peeling off your super fashionable tight pants—the very same tight pants that make people want to take them off—but they shrink-wrap around your heels and get stuck. So you start feeling a desperate as you lever them off with your toes, but now they’re really stuck. Now you’re laughing/grimacing and doing a weird push up thing, while thrashing about your straightjacketed legs. Finally, you give up and go to sleep because it’s just not worth it.
Is there another way to remove pants? Is there? Because professional male strippers never seem to have this problem, even when they’re wearing jeans. So how do they do it? To find out, and to get some tips on painless de-panting, we spoke to some strippers at Magic Men Australia.
Carlos, 30
VICE: Hey Carlos, have you ever struggled getting tight jeans off?
Carlos: Yeah, we’re all from Melbourne so we wear tight jeans. Then, in the heat of the moment, you’ve got to jump out of bed and take your pants off while standing up. But to be honest, I think taking my pants off 14 times a night over 18 years has definitely made me an expert. I can’t say I struggle these days.
So what’s the secret? How do you take off tight jeans while still looking sexy?
Don’t break eye contact. When you take your jeans off, or any pants off, always look the other person in the eye, make sure it’s really strong eye contact and they’re looking at you back. Then, while they’re doing that, you can slowly take your pants off without it looking like it’s awkward. The eye contact allows you to take your time and make it more sensual. You’re drawing attention away from the jeans and putting your focus back on your partner.
Would you recommend wearing tearaway pants in day-to-day life or do they just fall off without warning?
You know tearaway pants certainly help. Every Magic Men male stripper has tearaway pants as a rule of thumb. They definitely do make life a lot easier and I girls always think it’s funny when you can just rip them off and you’re in your underwear, ready to go.
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